I need some Christmas Cheer

I'm all depressed again. This year I had the money to buy all the kids and dh nice, store-bought presents. Last year I thought, if only I had money, Christmas wouldn't be so depressing. I used to like Christmas. Before marriage. (We had a baby the first married Christmas.) It used to be fun and exciting. I don't hope for any particular gift any more since I know I likely won't get it. Now that I'm grown my mom wants to spend lots of money on me for boring things. And Christmas isn't about that anyway. It should be about Christ. I need to do something. I've gotten slack on reading the scriptures. Last week Ben had the flu. Now Caitlyn and I have it. I feel rotten and don't want to do anything. Caitlyn spent two days in bed, but I have to get up. I am depressed about the illness. Not just this one, but the ones before that. From the last two months I can predict that this fall/winter/spring will be another sick one. With our large family we can't get sick all at the same time. It starts with one and goes down the line. By the time the last person gets over the illness the first person has got a new one. I hate living like this. I feel like we can't do anything. Caitlyn will miss another dance class this week. It is a waste of money. I worry about Emily falling ill this weekend when she's supposed to be in a play. I worry about Aaron getting sick and missing work. He used his leave time on me last month. The other thing is decorations. I don't decorate for Christmas with the exception of the Christmas tree. I feel lights outside are a waste of money. I won't buy decorations. We have no place to put anything in our house. My mom likes to give me snow globes, but we have little ones who break things. I only get out the plastic nativity scene and since the kids play with it it never looks nice. It gets bulldozed all over the room and the pieces go all over. It doesn't matter how many times I set it up it gets thrown all over the place. I would be happy if the kids would do some cute arrangement of it. I have no where to put the breakable sets. Actually, maybe I could put it by the computer. I'd at least get to see it. At least I've got my record player working this year. I've got lots of Christmas records. The only trouble is that I have to be downstairs to hear them. Well, Ben is doing another one of his blowout poops. I feel so lucky.